Speechless
by OneDream 2Dream
Summary: He knows when she tells him they need to talk that she's gotten the job. So why is it so shocking to hear it from her? Post-Watershed. No spoilers.


_Only know you've been high when you're feeling low._

_Only hate the road when you're missing home._

_Only know you love her when you let her go._

_And you let her go._

_-Let Her Go, Passenger_

_-0-0-0-_

Castle knows when Kate tells him they need to talk that she's gotten the job. He knew she'd get it from the second he had found out about the offer. Any doubt in his mind is gone when he sits down on their swings with the ring in his hand and a glimmer of hope in his mind.

So why is it so shocking when it finally comes out of her mouth?

He forces a smile and looks over her head, knowing fully that she can see right through it. But it's all he really can muster. "That's great," the writer encourages, his mind unable to form any more words.

"No, not really," she comments, looking down apologetically. It's barely a whisper, but he hears it loud and clear.

"You should take it," he blurts, and her head bolts up. Her eyes widen and her breath catches. She looks just as surprised as he feels.

Her eyes meet his for the first time since he got down on one knee, and he struggles to calm his rapidly beating heart. "You think so?" she asks, eyebrows furrowed.

Slowly Castle nods, still gripping the ring in his fingers. She has yet to give him an answer. Dammit. "Yeah," he manages to get out.

The detective pushes a strand of hair behind her ear, exhaling deeply. "Castle, I know it's a great job and an amazing opportunity, but without you Ryan, Espo, and Lanie, it'll feel so empty. I-"

He cuts her off. "I'll go with you."

Her eyes begin to droop and she shakes her head. "Rick, you can't do that," she pleads.

Shifting back abruptly, Castle petulantly narrows his eyes. "Why not?" Some part of him loses all hope of an engagement; it tells him that he should just put the ring away. And so he secretively slips it into his pocket.

Immediately he knows Kate noticed**.** She stares at the pocket and bites her lip, eyes beginning to shimmer. "You have to be here for Alexis. She still needs her dad, especially after the whole Paris experience. And what about the loft? You can't possibly want to leave it with your mother," she tries to joke, but it falls flat.

"So…" he tries to say, a lump forming in his throat and a knot forming in his gut where his stomach should be. "Is this it for us?"

Kate gives a harsh laugh. "Wow, we're awful at communicating, aren't we?"

He knows at that moment that she doesn't want their relationship to end. Hope blooms somewhere inside him, making him extremely antsy as he shifts from one foot to another.

"Rick**,** I want to make this work. I want to spend my life with you. But I'm not sure we're where we need to be to do that right now," she reasons, grimly running a hand through her hair.

"I don't understand."

"We have a lot of issues we still need to work out**.** This whole communication thing-" she gestures between the two of them with her hands. He stares at her still bare ring finger. "-being one of them. If we don't do that, it'll never work. And I want it to work, Rick. I want it to work so badly." He brings his attention back from her fingers and up to her eyes. Bad idea. They're brimming with tears, and he hates it. He's causing her some sort of pain and he hates it.

Castle sighs. "I want it to work too. You know that," he implores.

Nodding, she continues. "So maybe we can working on communicating more and then hopefully you'll ask me again, under better circumstances," the detective laughs nervously, a shy tone to her voice. "And then I'll marry you."

He feels a strange mix of excitement and heartbreak overtaking his whole being with a sense of numbness. "You do know I'm not just doing this out of desperation, right? I was going to propose to you in a few weeks anyways," he breathes, looking down at the ground like a little boy. "Would you have said yes then?"

"I'm not sure, Castle. I'd like to think I would have. But that's not what happened," Beckett expresses, crossing her arms and giving a wistful smile.

For a moment, it's eerily silent. Even the playground noise seems to halt until he can only hear the wind and car tires crunching, the hustle and bustle of the city nearly gone. "So you're going to take the job, right? It's an amazing opportunity," he opines quietly, his hands hanging limply at his sides.

Kate thinks for a moment and then gives the most genuine smile either of them have produced during the discussion. "I think I will. I need to make a call," she states, reaching into her pocket and pulling out her cell-phone. He watches numbly as she unlocks the phone and opens up a contact. Her finger hovers over the screen, and he can hear her take a calming breath as she turns and takes a few steps away. He believes she's going to leave without another word when she abruptly spins around again. "Castle?" she calls, voice soft and calming.

"Yeah?" He can hear his heartbeat in his ears, the erratic thumping that began when he met her and never stopped taking over his ability to think straight.

She presses the button on her phone. "Thank you. For everything."

He tries to calm the waves of dismayed panic that flow through him as he reminds himself that it's not goodbye. It's just goodbye for a little bit. They're okay. And still, even in the panic, his mouth forms the word "Always". And then she leaves the writer in the middle of the playground, standing in the humid spring air without the words to describe how he's feeling.

She's been gone for a minute and he already misses her.

_-0-0-0-0-_

_Disclaimer: Don't own Castle._

_Yes, I'm aware that's... about 4 days before the premiere and I'm posting a post watershed fic. But after a long hiatus, it just came to me._

_Also, MANY, MANY THANKS to Galifries for being an amazing beta! Couldn't have done it this well without you. :)_


End file.
